A bar mitzvah is a celebration thrown when a Jewish boy turns thirteen. A bat mitzvah is the equivalent for a girl, but is held at the age of twelve for Orthodox and Conservative Jews (the age for girls is also thirteen for Reform Jews). Whatever age it is celebrated, the bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah marks the age at which a child becomes accountable for their own actions, and is able to participate in all aspects of religious life.
Usually a bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah consists of two parts: a religious ceremony held in the synagogue, and a large celebration that is typically like a big birthday party. Some bat mitzvahs are extremely opulent, black tie events, similar to a wedding. Many families save up for the occasion for years. Others choose to focus on the religious ceremony and keep their celebration to family only.
Who to invite to a bar or bat mitzvah
It’s customary to invite all your family and friends to your child’s bar mitzvah, but the size of your guest list will depend on the sort of party you envision. Do you want a huge party with everyone your child has ever known present, or do you want to keep it smaller and focus on family?
Some categories of people you might want to invite, include:
- Immediate family - grandparents, siblings
- Extended family - aunts and uncles, cousins
- Family friends
- People from synagogue and your child’s Hebrew class
- Your child’s school friends and other friends (sports club, band practice, dance class etc.)
- Colleagues - there’s no obligation, but some people choose to invite their colleagues, boss, clients or others to their child’s bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah, especially if these colleagues are also Jewish.
- Acquaintances - there are even reports that some parents choose to invite relative strangers to their child’s bar mitzvah to create a social mixer where kids can meet new friends. This is often done to even out numbers of boys and girls if a child attends a single-sex school.
You may also elect to invite some guests to the party but not to the religious ceremony, particularly if you have family or friends who are not religious or who are members of another faith.
When to send bat or bar mitzvah invitations
Bat or bar mitzvah invitations should be sent out about four to six weeks prior to the event, but it’s worth thinking about giving guests a heads up in advance, especially if people are going to be travelling for the occasion. You can do this with a formal save the date card, or simply with email, phone calls and word of mouth. Give guests at least a few months notice ahead of time so they are definitely able to attend.
What cards are customary for a bat or bar mitzvah invitation suite?
It’s customary for a bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah invitation suite to include the following cards:
- Save the date
- Invitation to the religious ceremony
- Invitation to the party
- RSVP card
You could also choose to include information cards containing details about accommodation, directions or gifts. If you are having more events as part of the celebrations (e.g. a brunch the morning after), it is customary to include separate invitation cards for each additional event.
Information to include on a bat or bar mitzvah invitation
A bat mitzvah or bar mitzvah invitation needs to give guests all the information they need to be able to attend the event. Make sure it’s completely clear to your guests:
- Who - guests need to know whose celebration they are being invited to and who is hosting it. It is common to include the name of the child (and their Hebrew name, if desired), the names of both parents, and sometimes the names of grandparents. If the child’s parents are divorced, you may also include the names of each parent’s new partner. The invitation should also make it clear to guests exactly who is being invited: are you inviting your child’s classmate alone or that classmate’s whole family? You don’t want a misunderstanding on this front, especially if many people misunderstand who is invited. This could easily add or remove a hundred people from your guest list!
- What - guests need to know what they are being invited to. Are you asking them to attend the religious ceremony, the party, or both? You should also provide insight into the nature of the event. This can be communicated through words, but also through your choice of invitation style, print type, colour, and other design elements. The dress code is another important clue to what guests can expect.
- When - give guests both the date and the time of the bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah.
- Where - provide your guests with the location of the event, both by name (e.g. Melbourne Hebrew Congregation) and by address (e.g. 2/8 Toorak Rd, South Yarra, VIC 3141).
- RSVP details - work out when you need a final headcount, add a little bit of extra time to chase up people who didn’t RSVP, and that’s your ideal RSVP-by date. Give guests that date as well as information on how to RSVP. You might include an RSVP card with return address or even a pre-stamped, self-addressed envelope, or you can just provide guests with a phone number or email address.
This is the most important information to include on your bar mitzvah invitations, but other information can also be included if you think it will be valuable to your guests.
Bat or bar mitzvah invitation wording samples
Michael and Lucy Shapiro
Request the pleasure of your company
As they celebrate the Bar Mitzvah of their son
Peter James Shapiro
10.30am, Saturday October 28, 2017
East Melbourne Hebrew Congregation
488 Albert St, East Melbourne
Luncheon to follow
__________________________
We warmly invite you to celebrate with us
On this blessed occasion
The Bat Mitzvah of our daughter
Emily Louise Shapiro
Ten thirty in the morning
Saturday October twenty-eight
Two thousand and seventeen
East Melbourne Hebrew Congregation
488 Albert St, East Melbourne
Michael and Lucy Shapiro
____________________________________
You are invited to share in our joy
As our son
Peter James Shapiro
Is called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah
At 10.30am on October 28, 2017
East Melbourne Hebrew Congregation
488 Albert St, East Melbourne
Luncheon to follow
Michael and Lucy Shapiro
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