Chinese Wedding Traditions 2026: Customs, Ceremonies and Modern Guide

Chinese weddings are among the most layered and visually striking celebrations in the world. Whether you are a couple planning a ceremony that honors both heritage and modern life, or a guest stepping into a banquet for the first time, knowing the traditions behind each ritual makes the experience richer for everyone present.

This guide covers the full arc of Chinese wedding customs, from the ancient Three Letters and Six Etiquettes to the modern Chinese-American fusion wedding, with respectful, accurate depth on Han, Cantonese, and Northern Chinese variations where they genuinely differ.

Chinese Wedding Traditions: An Overview for Couples and Guests

Chinese wedding traditions span more than two thousand years and draw from Confucian values, folk customs, regional dialects, and Buddhist and Taoist influences. The result is a celebration that operates on multiple layers simultaneously: the ceremony happening in the room, the symbolic meaning embedded in each gesture, and the family relationships being publicly acknowledged.

It is worth noting upfront that “Chinese wedding traditions” is not a single uniform set of customs. Han Chinese traditions, which form the most widely recognized framework, differ from Cantonese customs common among families with roots in Guangdong Province and Hong Kong, which in turn differ from the customs of Northern Chinese families (particularly those from Shandong, Hebei, and Shanxi provinces). Regional variations in attire, foods served, and the specific games or rituals performed are real and significant. Where this guide describes variations, it flags them clearly.

For Chinese-American couples, the picture is often a deliberate hybrid: a Western ceremony with white dress and vows, followed by a tea ceremony later in the day or at a separate family gathering, all set against invitations and table cards that incorporate red, gold, and the double happiness symbol.

The connective thread across all these variations is family. Chinese weddings are fundamentally family events, not just a union of two individuals, but a formal merging of two households. This shapes everything from who speaks during the ceremony, to who is served tea first, to who receives a red envelope at the banquet.

The Three Letters and Six Etiquettes: Historical Framework

The formal structure behind traditional Chinese marriage is known as the Three Letters (三书, San Shu) and the Six Etiquettes (六礼, Liu Li). These rites were codified during the Zhou dynasty and elaborated in the Han dynasty Book of Rites, though their influence runs through Chinese wedding planning to this day, even when families follow only the spirit rather than the full letter of each step.

The Three Letters

• The Betrothal Letter (聘书, pin shu): The formal engagement contract binding the two families. Today this is largely ceremonial, but the act of families formally agreeing to a union, often over dinner, echoes this tradition.
• The Gift Letter (礼书, li shu): A written inventory of all betrothal gifts presented by the groom’s family to the bride’s family. Modern equivalents include jewelry (often gold), red envelopes, and symbolic foods.
• The Wedding Letter (迎亲书, ying qin shu): Presented on the wedding day when the groom formally receives the bride from her family home. This letter welcomes her into the groom’s family.

The Six Etiquettes

These steps map the full courtship-to-wedding arc:

1. Proposal and Matchmaking (纳采, Na Cai)

Originally facilitated by a professional matchmaker (媒人, mei ren), this step involved the groom’s family formally expressing interest in the bride’s family. Today it functions as the parents’ first meeting or the formal introduction of partners.

2. Requesting the Birth Information (问名, Wen Ming)

The bride’s date and hour of birth, known as her “Eight Characters” (八字, ba zi), would be shared with the groom’s family to check astrological compatibility. Many families today still consult a fortune teller or Chinese almanac when selecting the wedding date.

3. Astrological Compatibility Check (纳吉, Na Ji)

A fortune teller would compare the couple’s ba zi charts. A favorable reading moved the process forward; an unfavorable one would end the match. Modern couples rarely cancel a wedding based on this, but date selection remains genuinely important to many families.

4. Betrothal Gift Exchange (纳征, Na Zheng), the Guo Da Li ceremony

The Guo Da Li (过大礼) ceremony is the formal betrothal gift exchange and remains widely practiced today, particularly in Cantonese communities. The groom’s family presents gifts to the bride’s family: traditionally including tea, lotus seeds, longan, red dates, gold jewelry, and cash in red envelopes (with amounts chosen for auspicious numbers, especially multiples of 8 and 9). The bride’s family returns a portion as a gesture of goodwill.

5. Selecting the Wedding Date (请期, Qing Qi)

The Chinese almanac (通胜, tung sheng) assigns auspicious and inauspicious days based on a combination of lunar calendar, elemental cycles, and other factors. Choosing the right date is taken seriously even in secular Chinese families; a fortune teller or respected elder typically advises. Many couples pick dates with numerological significance, 8/8 (August 8) is particularly popular for its double-eight auspiciousness.

6. The Wedding Ceremony (亲迎, Qin Ying)

The formal wedding day, when the groom receives the bride. This culminates in the ceremonies described in the sections below.

The Tea Ceremony: Step-by-Step Modern Guide

The tea ceremony (敬茶, jing cha) is the single most widely retained Chinese wedding tradition today. For many Chinese-American families, it is the only traditional element in an otherwise Western wedding, and it carries enormous weight precisely because of that.

The ceremony’s purpose is direct: the newlyweds formally pay respect to their parents, in-laws, and elders by kneeling and serving them tea. In return, elders offer blessings and typically present red envelopes (hongbao) or jewelry.

What you need

• Tea set: Traditionally red, decorated with the double happiness symbol. Common teas include oolong, tie guan yin (iron goddess), or red date tea (hong zao cha). Green tea symbolizes purity; oolong symbolizes harmony. Avoid bitter teas: bitterness is inauspicious.
• Seating arrangement: Two chairs or a bench for the parents/elders being served. A low table or tray to hold the teapot and cups. Kneeling cushions for the couple.
• Red envelopes: Elders prepare these in advance to give the couple as a blessing after receiving tea.
• Attire: The bride typically wears a red qipao or cheongsam for the tea ceremony, even if she wore white for the Western ceremony. The groom wears a dark suit or matching changshan (traditional men’s jacket).

The serving order

Order matters significantly and is one area where regional variation appears. The most common sequence:

1. Groom’s parents first (traditionally, the bride was entering the groom’s family)
2. Groom’s grandparents
3. Groom’s uncles and aunts (by seniority)
4. Groom’s elder siblings and their spouses
5. Bride’s parents
6. Bride’s grandparents and extended family, following the same seniority pattern

Modern adaptation: Many Chinese-American couples conduct a combined ceremony, serving both families simultaneously rather than hosting two separate ceremonies (one at each family’s home as in the traditional format). The bride’s family is served first in some modern interpretations to acknowledge that the couple is building a new equal partnership.

How to perform the ceremony

Step 1: Prepare the tea space

Set up a dedicated area with chairs for elders and cushions for the couple to kneel. Have all cups filled and the tray ready. The groom stands on the right; the bride stands on the left.

Step 2: Call elders forward by name and title

Address each elder by their correct family title, not by name. “Dad, please drink some tea” (爸爸，请喝茶) uses the term “baba” for the father-in-law. “Mom, please drink some tea” (妈妈，请喝茶) uses “mama.” Using correct titles is culturally important.

Step 3: Present the tea with both hands

Offer the cup held in both hands at chest height. Offering with one hand is considered disrespectful. The couple kneels together as they present.

Step 4: The elder accepts, blesses, and gives

Elders sip the tea, offer verbal blessings (often in Cantonese or Mandarin), and present a red envelope or piece of jewelry. Common blessings: “Bai Tou Xie Lao” (may you grow old together), “Zao Sheng Gui Zi” (may you have children soon, note: optional to say in modern settings), and “Xin Hun Kuai Le” (happy new marriage).

Step 5: Move through the full order

Proceed through the full seniority sequence. Each elder or couple receives their own individually poured cup.

What to skip or adapt in modern ceremonies

The “Zao Sheng Gui Zi” blessing (quickly bear a precious child) is traditional but some couples prefer to quietly signal to elders not to say it if children are not in the near-term plan. Most respectful elders will follow the couple’s lead.

Younger siblings do not receive tea in the traditional ceremony: the direction flows from younger (the couple) to older (elders). Cousins and close family friends sometimes receive tea at the couple’s discretion in modern ceremonies.

Wedding Colors and Symbolism: Red, Gold, and Double Happiness (囍)

Color carries meaning in Chinese wedding culture in ways that go well beyond decoration. Understanding the symbolism helps guests and couples make intentional choices.

Red (红, hong)

Red is the dominant color of traditional Chinese weddings because it represents joy (喜, xi), good fortune, vitality, and protection against negative energy. Red appears on the dress, the invitations, the tea set, the red envelopes, the table decorations, and the double happiness character. Guests should not wear red to a Chinese wedding: it competes with the bride’s color and is considered impolite.

Gold (金, jin)

Gold represents wealth, prosperity, and longevity. It appears as accents throughout the ceremony: gold jewelry presented at the Guo Da Li, gold embroidery on the qipao, gold lettering on invitations, and gold-rimmed tableware at the banquet. For stationery, flat foil detailing in gold on red or cream stock captures this pairing authentically.

Double Happiness (囍)

The double happiness character is formed from two identical characters for happiness (喜, xi) placed side by side. It appears on virtually every element of a traditional wedding: the bride’s dress, the tea set cups, the cake, the wedding favors, and the invitations. It represents the union of two joys and two families. When you see 囍 on any wedding element, it is an explicit signal that the event is a Chinese celebration.

Other symbolic colors

• Pink: A modern softening of red; widely used in Chinese-American weddings as a compromise between traditional red and Western white.
• White: In traditional Chinese culture, white is associated with mourning and funerals. Guests should avoid all-white outfits. However, brides wearing white gowns in modern Chinese-American weddings is fully normalized; the Western ceremony context shifts the color reading.
• Black: Traditionally also associated with mourning; avoid in traditional settings. More acceptable at modernized ceremonies.
• Green: Wearing a green hat specifically is considered deeply offensive in Chinese culture (associated with infidelity). Guests should avoid green hats specifically; green clothing in other forms is generally fine.

Chinese Wedding Attire: Qipao, Cheongsam, and Western Hybrid

Wedding attire in Chinese weddings has evolved significantly, with most modern ceremonies featuring multiple outfit changes that honor both heritage and personal style.

The qipao and cheongsam

The qipao (旗袍) and cheongsam are often used interchangeably in English, though strictly speaking the qipao refers to the Manchu-origin garment adapted during the Republican era (1912-1949), while “cheongsam” is the Cantonese pronunciation of the same garment. The modern fitted silhouette (mandarin collar, side slits, form-fitting cut) became fashionable in 1920s Shanghai and remains the iconic Chinese bridal dress today.

For weddings, the bridal qipao is almost always red, often with gold embroidery featuring phoenixes, peonies, or dragons. The phoenix (凤, feng) and dragon (龙, long) pair represents the bride and groom respectively and appears frequently in embroidery and decor.

The xiu he fu (秀禾服)

A style gaining significant popularity among younger brides is the xiu he fu, a two-piece traditional Han Chinese outfit with flowing robes and large sleeves, more coverage than the qipao, and often softer embroidery in red, pink, or wine tones. It is frequently chosen by couples wanting a more classical Han aesthetic rather than the Shanghainese qipao look.

The changshan for grooms

The traditional groom’s garment is the changshan (长衫), a long brocade jacket typically in red, dark navy, or black with gold embroidery. Many grooms wear a Western tuxedo for the main ceremony and change into the changshan for the tea ceremony.

The Western-hybrid pattern for modern Chinese-American weddings

The most common attire sequence at Chinese-American weddings:

1. Western ceremony: Bride in white gown; groom in tuxedo or dark suit
2. Tea ceremony: Bride changes into red qipao or cheongsam; groom changes into changshan or remains in suit
3. Reception/banquet: Bride changes into a second Western dress (often a shorter cocktail or evening gown); further outfit changes for photo sessions

Two to four outfit changes across the wedding day are entirely normal at Chinese-American celebrations. Each change is a significant moment photographically.

Guests: what to wear

Guests at a Chinese wedding should aim for celebratory colors: red, pink, jewel tones, and rich neutrals are all appropriate. Avoid white (too close to mourning), black if the event is traditional, and avoid wearing red if you are not close to the bride (it risks upstaging her). For banquets, smart casual to semi-formal is standard.

The Door Games (Chuangmen) and Bride Pickup Tradition

One of the most entertaining elements of a traditional Chinese wedding is the chuangmen (闯门), literally “charging the door.” This tradition plays out in the morning before the wedding, when the groom and his groomsmen arrive at the bride’s home to receive her.

The premise

The bride’s bridesmaids guard the door to the bride’s room and refuse to let the groom in until he completes a series of challenges. The underlying idea is that the bride is her family’s most precious person; she should not be given up without the groom proving his worthiness, love, and resourcefulness.

Common challenges

• The four flavors test: The groom must eat or drink four things in sequence: sour (usually lemon juice), sweet (honey), bitter (bitter melon juice or coffee), and spicy (chili sauce). The sequence symbolizes his willingness to endure all of life’s flavors alongside his bride.
• Trivia about the bride: Bridesmaids ask rapid-fire questions about the bride’s preferences, habits, childhood details, and relationship history. Wrong answers earn forfeits.
• Physical challenges: Push-up challenges, singing a love song, reciting a poem or marriage vow, dancing.
• Red envelope negotiations: The groom and groomsmen slide red envelopes with cash under the door to negotiate entry. Amounts are typically in auspicious multiples (multiples of 8 and 9 are common). Bridesmaids may reject insufficient amounts and demand more.

Modern and regional variations

Cantonese families often run more elaborate multi-stage games with more complex challenges. Northern Chinese families may skip the games entirely and focus on the formal procession. Many Chinese-American families adapt the tradition to a shorter, more lighthearted version suited to a morning timeline: 20-30 minutes of fun rather than a 90-minute ordeal.

The games are meant to be joyful, not punishing. Grooms who show genuine humor, preparation (know your bride’s answers), and generosity (well-stuffed red envelopes) get through quickly and with goodwill. Grooms who cheap out on the envelopes should expect to be held at the door considerably longer.

The bride pickup procession

After the groom successfully completes the games and reaches the bride, he leads her out of her family home. Traditionally, her feet should not touch the ground as she leaves the threshold; she may be carried, or a red carpet or satin cloth is laid. In Cantonese tradition, a red umbrella is held over her head as she exits to ward off bad luck from open skies.

The procession to the wedding venue is accompanied by firecrackers (in regions where permitted), festive music, and in some communities, a lion dance to ward off negative energy and attract good fortune.

Wedding Banquet: Auspicious Dishes and Toasting

The wedding banquet (婚宴, hun yan) is the central event of a Chinese wedding. It is typically held in the evening, at a Chinese restaurant or hotel ballroom, and can range from intimate family gatherings of 30 to large banquets of 300 or more tables.

The number 8 and banquet structure

Traditional Chinese wedding banquets serve 8 courses (not including dessert). Eight (八, ba) sounds like the word for prosperity (发, fa) in Cantonese, making it inherently auspicious. Each course arrives at the table served family style, and the sequence of dishes carries symbolic weight.

Auspicious dishes and their meanings

Dish	Symbolism	Notes
Whole steamed fish	Abundance (fish = 余, yu, sounds like “surplus”)	Served intact; whole fish symbolizes completeness. A piece should be left to signify ongoing surplus.
Roast suckling pig	Purity and fidelity	Particularly significant in Cantonese tradition; signals the bride’s virtue
Whole roasted duck or chicken	Phoenix symbolism; fidelity and good marriage	Whole preparation important; chopped or partial birds are avoided
Longevity noodles (long life noodles)	Long life together	Noodles must not be cut or broken; their length symbolizes the length of the marriage
Red bean soup or tong yuan (glutinous rice balls)	Sweetness and togetherness	Round shape of tong yuan symbolizes completeness and reunion; red dates, peanuts, longan, and lotus seeds are classic additions
Braised abalone	Wealth and good fortune	Premium dish; presence signals generosity of the host family
Sea cucumber with vegetables	Fertility and vitality	Common in formal Cantonese banquets
Lotus seed dessert soup	Fertility (lotus seeds sound like “successive births” in Cantonese)	Often the penultimate dessert course before the final sweet

Toasting culture at Chinese banquets

The toast sequence at a Chinese wedding banquet differs from Western weddings. Instead of formal speeches at a microphone, the couple and their parents move table to table throughout the evening, toasting each table personally. This is called the “yam sing” toast (in Cantonese), a call-and-response toast where the host says “yam sing” and the table responds and drinks together.

Guests at tables are expected to toast actively with those around them throughout the meal, not only when the couple visits. Baijiu (Chinese spirit, typically 50%+ alcohol) is traditional; beer and Chinese wine (mijiu, huangjiu) are also common. Non-drinkers may use tea or soft drinks for toasts: it is the gesture of togetherness that matters, not the alcohol.

The couple’s toast circuit

The bride and groom visit every table during the banquet, typically with the couple’s parents. This is physically and socially demanding at a large banquet; some couples change outfits partway through. The toast circuit is when guests have their best opportunity to photograph and speak with the couple, so make it meaningful and brief.

Hongbao (Red Envelopes): Etiquette for Giving and Receiving

Hongbao (红包, literally “red packet”) are the standard wedding gift in Chinese culture. While Western weddings increasingly use gift registries, traditional Chinese wedding guests give cash in red envelopes rather than physical gifts. This practice is rooted in practicality (the couple gets what they actually need) and in cultural symbolism (the red envelope itself carries good fortune).

How much to give

The amount should cover your cost as a guest at the banquet; Chinese wedding banquets are expensive to host. For context:

Relationship to couple	Typical US range	Notes
Acquaintance or distant relative	$100-$150	Minimum to cover your plate at a mid-range banquet
Friend or colleague	$150-$200	Per person attending; multiply for couples
Close friend or cousin	$200-$300	Reflects closeness and generosity
Immediate family (uncle, aunt, sibling)	$300-$500+	Some families have established expectations; ask a parent if unsure
Parents of the couple	$1,000-$8,888+	Pin Jin (bride price) or parental gift; highly variable by family

Auspicious numbers for envelope amounts

Choose amounts ending in auspicious numbers. Eight (8) is the luckiest number in Chinese culture because it sounds like prosperity (发, fa) in Cantonese. Nine (9) represents longevity. Even numbers are preferred. Amounts ending in 4 should be avoided: four (四, si) sounds like death (死, si) in Mandarin. $168, $188, $200, $288, $300, $388, $500, $688, $888 are all common amounts.

Odd numbers and amounts associated with funerals ($4, $40, $400) should be strictly avoided.

When and how to give

Place the envelope in the designated collection box at the reception; most venues have a decorated box or table at the entrance managed by a trusted family member. Do not hand it directly to the couple during the banquet.

Use a red envelope with the couple’s names written on the outside, or a dedicated wedding hongbao with the double happiness symbol. Regular red envelopes (used for Lunar New Year) are acceptable but wedding-specific ones are preferable.

The couple’s side: special hongbao given during the ceremony

Beyond guest gifts, there are specific red envelopes within the ceremony itself:

• Elders to the couple during tea ceremony: The primary moment when elders give the couple hongbao or jewelry as blessings in exchange for tea.
• Groom to bridesmaids (during chuangmen): Negotiating envelopes to gain entry to the bride’s room.
• Couple to service staff: Tips for the banquet hall staff are often given in red envelopes.
• Couple to children at the banquet: It is traditional for the newlyweds to give small red envelopes to children present at the banquet.

Blending Chinese and Western Wedding Traditions

The Chinese-American wedding is its own evolved form. Not a lesser version of either tradition, but a genuine hybrid that reflects the experience of families navigating two cultures simultaneously. Most couples approach this not as a compromise but as an expansion: doing more, not less.

Common patterns in Chinese-American weddings

The two-ceremony structure

The most common pattern: a Western ceremony with officiant, vows, and ring exchange in the morning or early afternoon, followed by the tea ceremony with family before or at the start of the reception. The Western ceremony handles the emotional public declaration; the tea ceremony handles the family relationship acknowledgment that Chinese culture reserves for that ritual.

Bilingual programs and signage

Ceremony programs, table cards, and escort cards in both English and Chinese (traditional or simplified, depending on the family’s heritage) are increasingly common and deeply appreciated by older family members. This is one area where stationery choices carry real cultural weight.

Incorporating the hair combing ceremony

The hair combing ceremony (上头, shang tou) traditionally happens the night before the wedding, when a married elder with living parents and children combs the bride’s hair four times while speaking blessings. Each stroke represents a specific wish: long life, harmony, fertility, and wealth. Modern couples often incorporate this as a private family moment the morning of the wedding rather than the night before.

Managing color expectations across two guest groups

Western guests often arrive in all-white or all-black without knowing the cultural significance. A brief note on the wedding website or in the invitation is both practical and considerate: “We welcome you in celebratory colors: reds, blues, purples, and rich neutrals are all wonderful. We ask that guests avoid all-white and all-black outfits out of respect for Chinese tradition.”

Reception elements that bridge both cultures

• Western-style first dance and parent dances alongside table toasting rounds
• Western wedding cake alongside Chinese dessert table (egg tarts, sesame balls, mooncakes if seasonal)
• Western DJ or band set alongside lion dance during cocktail hour
• Gift registry offered alongside red envelope collection (with clear signage explaining both options)
• Wedding favors that reflect both cultures: custom red envelopes with a small amount inside, or Chinese tea packets as favors

Stationery as the first cultural signal

Your invitations are the first touchpoint where you communicate the cultural register of your wedding. Chinese-Western couples increasingly use stationery that incorporates red and gold alongside the invitation wording, double happiness symbols, or Chinese calligraphy for names and dates. Flat foil in gold on cream or red stock captures the traditional pairing authentically. The envelope liner and any inserts are opportunities to layer in bilingual elements without overwhelming the main card.

If you are navigating this design balance, a browse through our wedding invitation collection is a good starting point; you can filter by color and style to find designs that feel right for your specific blend of traditions.

Planning resources for multicultural weddings

If you are exploring traditions from other cultures alongside your own, our related guides may help: Indian wedding traditions and Jewish wedding traditions cover similar ground on ceremony structure, attire, and blending heritage with modern life. For the broader planning arc, the wedding planning checklist and wedding ceremony script guide both have sections on customizing structure for non-Western ceremonies. For theme inspiration that aligns with Chinese aesthetic preferences, wedding themes 2026 has a rich section on maximalist and heritage-inspired directions.

Chinese Wedding Traditions FAQs

Do you have to follow all Chinese wedding traditions?

No. Chinese wedding traditions exist on a spectrum, and most modern couples (especially Chinese-American couples) select the rituals that are meaningful to their families and skip those that do not resonate. The tea ceremony is the most universally retained element because it directly serves the family relationship purpose. Door games are popular because they are fun. The six etiquettes are rarely followed in full but often honored in spirit. Follow what feels genuine, consult your parents about which elements matter most to them, and build from there.

Is it rude to wear red to a Chinese wedding as a non-Chinese guest?

In a traditional Chinese setting, wearing red as a guest risks appearing to compete with the bride, whose primary color is red. For a modern Chinese-American wedding, the rule softens considerably, particularly if the bride is wearing white. When in doubt, opt for another celebratory color and reserve red for settings where you know the bride has worn another color.

What is the double happiness symbol (囍) and is it okay for non-Chinese guests to give gifts with it?

The double happiness character (囍) is a combination of two joy characters (喜) placed side by side. It is a universally recognized Chinese wedding symbol and is entirely appropriate for any guest, Chinese or non-Chinese, to include on a card or gift. It is a celebratory symbol, not a culturally restricted one.

What should I put in a red envelope for a Chinese wedding?

Cash in an amount that at minimum covers your cost as a banquet guest, plus a margin based on your relationship to the couple. For a mid-range banquet in a US city, $150-$200 per person attending is a reasonable baseline. Use an amount with auspicious significance: multiples of 8 (like $168, $188, $288, $888) are ideal. Avoid amounts containing the number 4.

Can the tea ceremony be performed outside of a Chinese home?

Yes. Many Chinese-American couples hold the tea ceremony in a private room at the reception venue, a hotel suite, or even in a dedicated space at the ceremony venue. The tea ceremony does not require a specific setting; it requires the people (elders), the tea, and the couple. The setting matters far less than the gesture.

What is the difference between a qipao and a cheongsam?

The terms are often used interchangeably in English. Technically, qipao (旗袍) is the Mandarin term and cheongsam is the Cantonese pronunciation of the same garment (长衫, cheung sam). Both refer to the fitted, mandarin-collar dress that originated in 1920s Shanghai. For weddings, the garment is almost always red with gold embroidery. Either term is acceptable in conversation.

Is a lion dance at a wedding required?

A lion dance is traditional at Chinese banquets to bring good luck and ward off negative energy, but it is an addition, not a requirement. Many couples include a lion dance during cocktail hour or at the start of the reception. It is a spectacular visual element for guests unfamiliar with the tradition and a meaningful one for family members who grew up with it. Cost typically ranges from $300-$800 for a professional troupe, depending on the location and length of the performance.

What happens if a guest cannot attend a Chinese wedding they were invited to?

Send a red envelope with an appropriate cash amount to the couple even if you cannot attend; the invitation was extended and the banquet was planned around your attendance. A written note of congratulations alongside the envelope is appropriate. In many Chinese families, sending nothing when invited (even if you decline) is considered inconsiderate.