Wedding Invitations Etiquette
If the etiquette surrounding wedding invitations is leaving you bewitched, bothered and bewildered, you’re not alone. This Q&A was designed to help you navigate the unspoken rules surrounding your wedding invitations: who to invite, wedding invitation timing, wedding invitation wording examples, more formal wedding invitation wording, and some of the other delicate situations accompanying this part of the wedding process.
The guest-list: Who to invite
We had a large engagement party, but are opting for a more intimate wedding ceremony and reception. Would it be rude not to invite everyone who attended our engagement party to our wedding?
Some may consider it rude to invite guests to your engagement party, but not your wedding. That’s because engagement party is a gift-giving occasion, and most guests will present you with a gift to help kick-start your new life together.
Having said that, always remember that it’s a very personal choice who you invite to your wedding, and only you can determine what’s appropriate. As with most things in life, your gut should never be overlooked.
Should we allow single guests to invite a date?
If you’re like most, this will surely be one of the most hotly debated questions you’ll face in your wedding planning. Accommodating your single guests is considered a nice gesture, but not a necessity. If you need to closely manage your numbers, one approach is to exclude “plus ones” for all single family and friends, but make exceptions on a case-by-case basis. One exception might be your wedding party. Also, single guests in long-term relationships should be treated as married couples, and both should be invited.
Should we invite work colleagues to our wedding? Is inviting my boss “a must”?
There is nothing set in stone about inviting your work colleagues to your wedding. If you hang out with your colleagues outside of work, you’ll probably want to invite them as you would any other friend. If you are in a situation where you would be inviting all or most of your colleagues minus your boss, it may be better to have one extra guest, than to offend someone you have to see on a daily basis.
How do we cut our wedding guest list down?
This is an age-old dilemma that most brides and grooms must face in order to keep their budgets in check. It’s always fun to create your list, but always excruciating to start trimming it down. One helpful tip is to create two lists – one for the “must-invites” and a second list for all the rest.
From there, here are some ideas for trimming the second list: Don’t feel obligated to invite people who invited you to their wedding; don’t allow every guest to bring a “plus one”; if you wouldn’t call the friend upon visiting their town, you don’t need to invite them to your wedding; if your potential guest has never met your future spouse, you can probably skip inviting that person; for co-workers, ask yourself, “would I be friends with this person if we didn’t work together?”
Wedding invitation timing
When do we need to send out save-the-date cards and wedding invitations?
Save-the-date cards can go out six to eight months before the wedding.
Ideally, wedding invites should be sent out six to eight weeks in advance. For destination weddings, it’s best to give guests three months so they can clear their schedules and make travel arrangements.
How far in advance should guests be requested to RSVP?
Make your RSVP date three weeks in advance of the wedding. Seating arrangements, catering numbers and other details may depend on your final RSVP list.
Wedding invitation wording
What is the proper way to word the request or host line on a wedding invitation when it’s not the traditional case of the bride’s parent’s hosting?
This tends to be one of the trickier parts of invitation wording – as modern weddings are hosted by an array of different parties. Check out our post on wording for different hosting situations here.
Does the wedding invitation host line need to coincide with who paid for the wedding?
Not necessarily. Hosting can be used in a flexible manner – parents can be hosts in the traditional manner (they planned and paid for the wedding), or in a more honorary sense.
How do we communicate that we are not inviting children to our wedding?
Despite the second-guessing you might get from friends with kids, it’s perfectly acceptable (and common) to have an adults-only wedding. If you have kids in the ceremony, you can opt to have a babysitter come to take care of the kiddies during the reception.
To make your intentions clear on the wedding invite, you can write “Adult Reception” at the bottom right of your invitation. The wedding website is also a good place to clarify, and to inform guests that you’ll be providing a childcare service for their convenience if you go down that route.
If guests send in their reply card with the children’s names written in anyway, the onus is on you to give them a call to clarify that you’re having an adult-only wedding.
How do we make it clear that we are not inviting each guest to bring a “plus one”?
Ah, this old sticky chestnut! You can do your best to communicate “no plus one” on your wedding invitation, but more likely than not, you’ll have to have a number of conversations with specific guests to clarify. You’ll likely have your own set of rules around who can and cannot bring a guest.
A few ideas for wedding invitation wording:
On your invitation:
(Insert number) seat(s) reserved in your honour
OR
____ of 1 guests will attend
OR
Write out each invitees name on the invite, followed by: _____ accepts or _____ declines
On your wedding website:
Include a wedding FAQ that reads, “Can I bring a date?” Your A can read, “Not unless we know them well. Our dream wedding is an intimate one, where we can celebrate with our closest friends and family. Thank you for understanding.”
OR
Emphasize the venue size: “Due to the intimate nature of our venue, we are limited in the number of people we can host. We are therefore requesting that you not bring a guest, so that our closest friends and family can attend.”
How do we communicate that our wedding is formal, even though the venue is casual?
Include your wedding dress code on the lower right hand corner of the invite (i.e. cocktail attire, black-tie, etc.) You can include more specifics on your wedding website. Click here for more examples for more formal wedding invitation wording.
How do we invite guests to the ceremony but not the reception?
While it’s somewhat common in Australia to invite some guests to the ceremony-only, it’s important to handle it right so feelings and friendships don’t get hurt. Your formal wedding invitations should only be sent to guests who are invited to both the ceremony and the reception. Ceremony-only guests can be invited in a more casual manner (i.e. in person, with a phone call or email) – express regret that you can’t invite everyone you want to the reception, but that you’d love to share your special moment with them if they’ll join you for the ceremony.
Can we include our wedding registry details on our invitation or save-the-date?
While etiquette rules certainly change as time goes on, it’s still considered impolite to include your wedding registry details on your invitation or save-the-date. A wedding website is a good way to communicate where you are registered.