While your response to a wedding invitation may not be as important as the bridesmaid colours or first dance song, it deserves to be done right, and the correct way can vary, depending on the situation. If you aren’t sure how to reply to a wedding invitation, then continue reading to find the solution for your scenario.
Responding to a wedding invitation
There is definitely such thing as a good and bad wedding guest. Here are some tips on returning an RSVP that will keep you in the good books of the stressed out engaged couple.
It really makes planning a wedding – already a difficult task – harder if you have to follow people up for an RSVP, so don’t be that guest. Beware, if you are too slack with responding, you might not get a follow up email – you may just get cut from the list with an email or no notice at all!
Bonus good guest tip: never just show up to a wedding that you haven’t RSVP’d to. Your friendship with the wedding couple might struggle to recover from that awkward situation.
Accepting a wedding invitation
Your response to a wedding invitation depends on the method chosen by the couple. We cover the alternative ways later in the article, but for accepting in the traditional manner – with an RSVP card that is included in the invitation suite – it’s as simple as ‘fill and send’.
However, here are some tips to remember:
- Include the names of every guest attending, so your host knows numbers (if replying as a family or couple, exclude the names of anyone not attending to avoid confusion, rather than ticking both boxes).
- Be specific about dietary requirements (and who they belong to, if more than one person is accepting on the same card).
- Don’t forget to respond to any extra little details like song requests etc.
- Respond early enough to allow for postage times (especially if you live far away from the couple).
The reply to a wedding invitation doesn’t have to be limited to straightforward prose. Some have fun with the RSVP by using or creating their own wedding invitation acceptance poem. This can take the form of a completed poem for guests to chuckle at or – better yet – a poem on the RSVP card left with blank spaces so the guests can fill them in creatively.
How to decline a wedding invitation
Declining a wedding invitation, while more simple, can sometimes be difficult because you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. On a practical note, if it’s an RSVP card, you simply tick the decline box and send back. That’s the easy part, but if you’re wondering how to say no, especially how to decline a family wedding invitation, then it may require some extra effort and tact.
If you’re worried that declining the invite may cause offence, make sure you tell the couple directly (either in person or via phone) before they receive the declining RSVP, as a tick in a ‘no’ box can come across a little impersonal. Be sure to explain your reasons, honestly and kindly, and if possible, let them know how much you would have liked to be there. If you are close to the couple whose invitation you’ve declined, it can be a nice thought to send them a card or gift anyway, so they know that you are thinking of them despite your absence.
Responding without an RSVP card
Today there are several ways to respond to a wedding invitation. Knowing how to respond to a wedding invitation via non-traditional methods is helpful knowledge, so here are the most common alternative ways:
- Responding via a wedding website – Couple: try to make the website as simple and easy to navigate as possible. Guest: don’t forget to fill in all fields (and don’t assume that an RSVP is less important because it’s digital).
- Responding by text message or phone call – Couple: if people are calling to respond, remember to keep an accurate list of the ‘yes’ group and ‘no’ group to save yourself the trouble of having to double check later.
- Responding via email – Guest: ensure you haven’t forgotten to answer any of the questions in the RSVP request. Wondering how to decline a wedding invitation via email without coming across rude? Follow the invite up with a call, or add a nice personal message in the email to the couple, congratulating them and wishing them good luck on their big day.
For couples distributing invites via email or other digital format, remember that in the internet age, most people skim read on a screen, so we recommend sending the group message out with the same email address you want people to reply to. If the two are different, you will have lots of people who won’t read properly and will reply to the wrong person – adding to the already busy load of a groom or bride.
It’s handy to be able to brush up on the minor etiquette details for a friend or family member’s upcoming nuptials so now we hope that you feel confident to perfectly craft your wedding invitation reply – no matter which format you’re faced with.
RSVP Wording Examples for Different Scenarios
Knowing what to actually write can be the sticking point for many guests. Here are wording templates for the most common RSVP situations.
Accepting formally (paper reply card):
Mr. and Mrs. David Chen joyfully accept
Number attending: 2
Dietary requirements: None
Accepting informally (digital or text RSVP):
“Hi Sarah! We’re so excited – count us in, both of us. No dietary needs. Can’t wait!”
Declining with a genuine reason:
Ms. Emma Thompson regretfully declines. We will be traveling internationally on that date and are devastated to miss your celebration. Wishing you both a beautiful day.
Declining without giving a detailed reason:
“Thank you so much for the invitation – unfortunately we won’t be able to make it on that date. We’re so happy for you both and can’t wait to celebrate with you another time.”
Uncertain or tentative: Don’t send a tentative response. Mark it as a decline or reach out to the couple directly to explain the situation before the RSVP deadline. Leaving the couple in limbo is the worst option. Browse Paperlust’s wedding invitation designs including RSVP card formats.
Handling Plus Ones and Children
Two of the most common areas of RSVP confusion involve plus ones and children. Here’s how to handle each as a guest.
Plus ones: If the invitation is addressed to you and your partner by name, both of you are invited. If it’s addressed only to you, don’t assume a plus one is welcome – the couple has made a deliberate seating decision. If you’re unsure, call or message the couple directly before the RSVP deadline. Never just show up with someone who wasn’t invited.
Children: If the invitation is addressed to “The Johnson Family,” children are included. If it’s addressed to “Mr. and Mrs. Johnson” only, it’s an adults-only wedding. Don’t ask for an exception – it puts the couple in an impossible position and creates awkwardness they shouldn’t have to manage during wedding planning.
Responding to Digital Wedding Invitations
More couples are using digital RSVPs via wedding websites, and the etiquette here is simpler but still worth knowing.
Respond promptly – the RSVP deadline on a digital form is just as real as a paper reply card. Fill in all required fields accurately (dietary requirements, song request, message fields). If the form asks for a message, write something genuine – it’s easier to skip than a handwritten note, but the couple will notice who bothered.
If you need to change your response after submitting, contact the couple directly rather than re-submitting the form. Most wedding website platforms don’t automatically handle response changes, and a direct message prevents confusion.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do you politely decline?
Respond before the deadline. Keep it brief and warm – a short sentence of genuine regret and good wishes is enough. Send a gift if you’re close to the couple.
How long do you have to RSVP?
By the deadline on the RSVP card – typically 4 to 6 weeks before the wedding. Sooner is better. Late responses create real problems for catering and seating.
Is it rude to RSVP yes then not attend?
Yes – especially close to the date. Caterers charge per confirmed head. If you have to cancel, contact the couple immediately and send a gift.
What does RSVP mean?
“Répondez s’il vous plaît” – French for “Please respond.” Both yes and no require a response. RSVP does not mean “only reply if you’re coming.”
Wedding invitation etiquette is ultimately about respect – for the couple’s time, their budget, and the significance of the day they’ve spent months planning. Responding promptly, honestly, and warmly costs nothing and means more than most guests realize. If you’re sending invitations and want to make the RSVP process as smooth as possible, Paperlust’s wedding invitation designs include RSVP card options that make responding easy and returning the card a pleasure.